Growing old, but not quite growing up

There is a song called "Waiting" by the fabulous Matt Wertz. I was laying out at the beach today listening to shuffle on my ipod (something i hardly ever do because i memorize the play sequence and subconsciously like to hum the next song right before it starts). Anyway, this great song has a chorus to it that plays like this:

"Growing old. Growing old, but not quite growing up."

I have probably listened to this song 100 times but today that line really struck me. I think right now, that is EXACTLY how i feel. In the last month i cant even begin to tell you how many people have told me something along these line, " WOW! you are like a real adult!" or "sheesh all grown up now!" It's funny because until someone says that i never really think about it.

here are the raw facts.

1. in two months i am get married (something i am totally ready for)
2. we just bought a house. a real one. with real walls to paint and real things to fix.
3. i have a full time job using my degree that i spent 4 years getting..who does that!?

Now, these things hold real responsibilities. the kind at 22 i sometimes wonder if i am capable of handling.
But all these thoughts collide with a crazy thing that happened the other night. I was having this terrible dream (i knew eating that lobster crabcake would have consequences) and woke up in a frenzy. Out of no where i told the Lord i needed help cause i wanted to do things right!!! (i vaguely remember saying this loudly too) and just like..peace. and i went right back to sleep only to awake acutely aware of my night outburst.

see, cause really i think no matter how old i get..i probably wont ever feel like im the grown up i should be. i think that's a good place to be though. I want the Lord to guide my steps and make my decisions. Dont get me wrong, i want to be someone who carries responsibility and embraces the new and beautiful (and scary) steps in my life. But i also want to be someone who says (even if its in a delirious state of half asleep mind), Lord, i wanna do things right!

and how do i do things right?

Proverbs 2:3-6
"Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding.
Search for them as you would for silver, seek them like hidden treasures.
Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord, and you will gain knowledge of God.
For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding."


So here's to growing old..but not quite growing up.

-Leslie